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Fan Fiction Rage. *Possible Spoilers*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by AlmaBeoulve, Jan 22, 2016.

  1. AlmaBeoulve

    AlmaBeoulve Member

    Likes Received:
    Dec 22, 2015
    ***Just a forewarning, I have not gotten Rage yet, I really know very little about him. Any details in the below story are those fabricated in my dreams.***

    I was working on the next chapter when i got some great input from Pillow.
    Originally Rages backstory was going to be a very light and heart warming Yaoi/BL with a different character.
    But i feel this direction works much better.

    This is a rough unedited version of this chapter. Mostly i am looking for input on wether this direction works. Let me know what you guys think, I wanna know if the idea works before i put the work into refining it.

    Thank you very much for your input.

    prendre plaisir!

    The lights danced across the ceiling, one moment the world was red, the next blue. He pondered why the two worlds never met, always beside each other, always one after another, but never to meet. Was the red searching for the blue? Was the blue running away?

    The scream of a second siren snapped him back to the matter at hand. Rage pulled himself off the floor. How long had he been there? Minutes? Hours? Days? The rain dripping down the window made the flashing lights from the cruisers below look almost beautiful. Maybe the blue isn’t running away. He slid his pocket knife across his left forearm, the pain pulling him back to the moment. He needed to focus. A poison? What was in that gas? He slumped against the wall staring down on the scene below. Why is the red chasing the blue anyway? His breath crashed against the window, blurring the gore below. Why did he take those shots? He knew the line wasn’t clean, he knew there would be collateral, why on earth would he shoot. Rage banged his fist on the wall, the window shook in its frame. Does the red hate the blue? Is that why its chasing it? Rage knew needed to get back to S, she would be able to filter his blood, get out the toxin.

    He stumbled towards the door, he needed to think of a way out of here.

    “The bottom floor is probably crawling with enforcers” Rage quietly mumbled to himself.

    He started for the stairwell, dragging along the wall the whole way. The apartment complex was dark. Power had been cut to the entire sector. What would the red do if it ever caught up to the blue?

    “This persona punk sure knows how to put on a show.”

    Rage opened the door onto the roof of the building. The rain opened up. There, perched on the edge of the building, it was him.

    Rage couldn’t move. Frozen. Solid. He had never been this close to Persona before. Even in the chase he was always almost a block ahead of him, always in sight, never within reach. Here, now, he was maybe 10 feet away.

    “Quite the mess you made down there”

    Persona didn’t even turn to speak, he just kept staring down at the cruisers below.

    “You made me!” rage screamed. His whole body shook.

    “That gas! What was it? Why am I like this!?”

    Lightning lit the cityscape; everything was silent except for the droll of the rain. It seemed like years before the crack of thunder brought Rage back once again. Persona had turned now and was staring him right in the eyes.

    “It was a simple sleeping gas, you should have gone out the second you touched the trap”

    Rage had spent his whole life slowly building up resistances to all the common toxins. Sleeping gas? He hadn’t been affected by that in years. Why couldn’t he think clearly? Why was he like this? He had to be lying, he had to be. Why did he take those shots? Those poor people… Why? He didn’t even want to shoot Persona, the bounty only collects if he is brought in alive. Why doesn’t the red give in? Rages head was swimming, all these thoughts crashing in at once.


    Before he even knew what he was doing Rage had drawn his guns and fired. He was the fastest draw in the Mega-sector. The bullets were already half way to Persona when he twitched.

    His guns dropped to the roof with a boom equal to that of a Gyrocannon. He was standing on the edge of the roof, looking down onto the alley. The chase of the blue is all the red has ever known, what else would it even do? The scenebelow made him weep.

    “I don’t even know why”

    The words fell from Rages lips. Blood poured down his back. He could hear Persona barely whispering behind him.

    “I always liked you Rage, I am sorry it had to end this way.”

    Rage swayed in spot, the cruisers light were flashing across his face. Red, blue, red, blue, red, blue. He had fallen for that trick before, he should have known, even his draw was too slow for the elusive Persona.

    Rage turned and looked Persona dead on. He could feel his own bullets biting deep inside his back.

    “It looks like I never will be able to catch you”

    Rages voice was barely audible, he could hardly stand anymore.

    “Oh Rage.. You’ve always had me”

    Rages legs gave out, he fell back. He fell down towards the scene which would forever be his greatest regret.

    The red, It loved the blue, that’s why, that’s why it never quit chasing.

    Rage felt like he felt like he fell forever. Everything was dark above him, yet the ground never came.

    All at once he slammed to the ground. It was cold. It was wet.

    It was not the ground of the alley. He lay sprawled on the floor of a white room.

    Where was he? In the Lockup? He should be dead; there is no way the enforcers could save him from such a fall.

    He looked up and saw a man, small of stature, but threatening. Rage reached for his guns, nothing. Small droplets of water dripped from naked back. He could feel his mind slipping again. Poisoned? Again? He fought it. He kept his mind and rose to his feet. He looked this small man right in the eyes. What have I done. It all came crashing back. He remembered Personas eyes, the look right before he fell, he remembered the screams as he fired in the alley, he remembered every crying child as he took in their father or mother, He remembered Personas eyes, He remembered his words, He remembered the worst of it all. He remembered he loved him. He remembered he lost him.

    He gave in.

    It all slipped away.


    How can I serve you my lord?
    Chuck and Syn like this.
  2. Syn

    Syn Guild Leader of Evolution

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    Dec 5, 2015
    I'm too awake to read this, definitely will read when I'm laying down :p
    AlmaBeoulve likes this.
  3. Chuck

    Chuck Member

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    Nov 16, 2015
    It involves Persona! You have my seal of approval. :D :D

    So this is why Rage has Poison terrain advantage
    AlmaBeoulve likes this.
  4. Pillowaddict

    Pillowaddict Well-Known Member

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    Nov 24, 2015
    Nice deduction Chuck! ;)

    @Alma, your writing is just superb! Just a bit confusing at some parts but its a teaser, so that's good. Though...
    I was expecting more cooler lines than what I read (sorry about being so frank). It might be a lack of description on how they said it.

    [He could hear Persona barely whispering behind him.
    “I always liked you Rage, I am sorry it had to end this way...
    “Oh Rage.. You’ve always had me”]

    I pictured Persona to be a literary romantic pervert who looked at everyone beautiful as worth stealing their hearts for.

    Here's a cheesy suggestion:
    Rage could finally hear the voice of the one who took over his sanity, yet now reality played a trick on him. He could barely hear him speak.
    "My dear beloved, even while drenched in your own crimson colors, you are still my irreplaceable gem."
    “Shut up. Talking that way...each time..." Rage smiled bitterly. "It really looks like...I will never be able to catch you,” he said almost a whisper in between heavy breaths.
    Rage could hardly stand as his strength was rapidly slipping away.
    "For one who always stole the hearts of many, to you I concede defeat. For it was only you, who was able to take this thief's..."
    Rage's legs gave out before Persona could finish. He fell down towards the scene which would forever be his greatest regret.

    Mwahahaha...I just love cliffhangers. Hihihi...
    So all the more Rage will pursue Persona.
    "I didn't hear what you said," Rage confronts Persona.
    "Oh? Im sorry. I don't remember much if it's not for a beautiful lady," Persona smiled smugly.
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2016
    AlmaBeoulve likes this.
  5. AlmaBeoulve

    AlmaBeoulve Member

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    Dec 22, 2015
    Good wording pillow! Yes my dialogue is one of the parts that would be greatly reworked. I used just the basics to get the ideas across. Definitely my first area of rework. Thank you for those suggestions, I might steal a few lines

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